• Military Life: 2 Simple Questions That Stop Military Spouse Gossip

  • People love to stir things up and focus on all that is going wrong – in someone else’s military life. We live in a society that thrives on reality T.V., gossip and rumors. As a stress relief expert, I can’t tell you how many milspouses’ contact me through the blog or via my facebook page asking me how to stop the gossip and drama that seems to permeate through our community.  There is nothing that frustrates me more than hearing fellow military spouses offer each other up to the gossip mongers.

    Sadly, the gossip monger reared it’s ugly head right here in my own back yard. Right here on my post. Right here in my military community. Right in the middle of my military life.

    It seems that so many military spouses are focused on sharing other people’s dirty laundry that I just want to scream

    Don’t we have enough stress to deal with?

    Why is it that the moment milspouses learn something negative or hear a piece of juicy gossip, they rush to put it out there as fast as they can? Why instead of squelching the gossip and rumors do they fuel them? Why must people stir things up and shed an unflattering light on those around them?

    Wouldn’t it be better if the moment someone started a conversation with “hey did you know….” we excused ourselves and refused to listen? With gossip and rumors it takes 2 to tango?


    Imagine how much more supportive our military community could be if each of us made a decision not to be an active listener. If we stop listening there is no one to gossip to and we essentially squelch the gossip before it starts.

    Gossip and rumors prevent us from the truth, they prevent us from getting the support and stop us from receiving the encouragement we need to thrive.

    You have the power to change that,
    YOU can make a difference.  

    Each of us has the ability to stop gossip and rumors dead in their tracks by answering the following 2 questions:

    1. Do I need to tell this or do I just want to?
    2. Will this information put the person in an unflattering light or will it hurt them to hear?

    If by answering these questions, you see that listening or sharing the information isn’t flattering, will hurt someone’s feelings or is just something to pass the time, choose to walk away.

    You see I have learned if you listen to gossip, you become a gossip. If you hang out with people who put others down, you will do the same. And if your friends are judgmental, you will become judgmental. Ask yourself “Who am I surrounded by…it matters”!

    So the next time the pot begins to stir, politely excuse yourself, or defuse the gossip by highlighting the victims good side and defend them.  It doesn’t matter if you agree , what matters is that gossip spreads hate, and you can choose to stop it. Always speak the highest of others. Always find the good. Always stand up for the people weaker than yourself.   Surround yourself with people who lift others up and make a difference. We can stop the gossip, we just have to choose to do so.

    It’s important for others, and it’s important for you, because we both know that the gossip mongers and rumor mills are one chat away from throwing someone else under the bus, and it just may be you.

    Do you really think if they are talking about others and spreading hate, that for one minute they aren’t talking about you as well?

    “Whoever Gossips To You
    Will Gossip About You”
    ~ Spanish Proverb

    How do you react when someone says
    “Did you know…”!

    ~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of DASIUM, Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Riskare go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

  • “Everyone deserves to realize their fullest potential toward health and well-being, and good mental health care is essential to this”. Dr. Arpan Waghray of Providence St. Joseph Health is also spot on in this video discussing the importance of integrated care toward long-term overall health. The future of healthcare must challenge the way we look at patients and begin integrating [...]

    Read more

    As I browse my social media feeds I notice so many people are fed up and unsure of the direction of their lives. It reminded me of a post I wrote a couple of years ago when my son was stressed about what he would do with his life. Fast forward nothing he even considered was to be his path; life took him in a totally different direction. And it's more than ok not only for him, but for any of us [...]

    Read more

    You may have noticed I've been a little quiet lately.  Between the passing of my mother-in-law, supporting my husband, handling military life and dealing with all the feelings of my own, I haven't had the focus to do much else than the bare necessities. And I have been feeling guilty for taking a much-needed time out from anything that drains me physically or emotionally and just staying in my[...]

    Read more

    Sometimes as we traverse military life it can feel as though we live separately from the outside world. We have our own lingo, we take pride in things others take for granted and our day to day challenges are very different from our civilian counterparts. Because of this we need to build stronger coping skills and hone our self care strategies so that we are prepared - especially for the stuff[...]

    Read more

    Have you ever noticed that sometimes in military life it seems as though every time you turn around someone or something  just keeps getting in the way of your dreams?  It may feel like for every idea you have or action you take there is someone out there telling you it can't be done or how it won't work.  They may even share a suggestion as to how to do it "the right way". After church [...]

    Read more

    As we kick off Mental Health Awareness Month I want to begin with some insight that my son had over the weekend into how social media really steals the joy from our lives. He shares this piece of writing with me and I was struck by how it opened my eyes to the connection between social media and our military mental health. His excerpt highlights the reality of living with the challenges of [...]

    Read more

    1 of page 31