All posts,  Emotional Wellness,  Military Lifestyle Advice

Military Life: 2 Simple Questions That Stop Military Spouse Gossip

People love to stir things up and focus on all that is going wrong – in someone else’s military life. We live in a society that thrives on reality T.V., gossip and rumors. As a stress relief expert, I can’t tell you how many milspouses’ contact me through the blog or via my facebook page asking me how to stop the gossip and drama that seems to permeate through our community.  There is nothing that frustrates me more than hearing fellow military spouses offer each other up to the gossip mongers.

Sadly, the gossip monger reared it’s ugly head right here in my own back yard. Right here on my post. Right here in my military community. Right in the middle of my military life.

It seems that so many military spouses are focused on sharing other people’s dirty laundry that I just want to scream

Don’t we have enough stress to deal with?

Why is it that the moment milspouses learn something negative or hear a piece of juicy gossip, they rush to put it out there as fast as they can? Why instead of squelching the gossip and rumors do they fuel them? Why must people stir things up and shed an unflattering light on those around them?

Wouldn’t it be better if the moment someone started a conversation with “hey did you know….” we excused ourselves and refused to listen? With gossip and rumors it takes 2 to tango?


Imagine how much more supportive our military community could be if each of us made a decision not to be an active listener. If we stop listening there is no one to gossip to and we essentially squelch the gossip before it starts.

Gossip and rumors prevent us from the truth, they prevent us from getting the support and stop us from receiving the encouragement we need to thrive.

You have the power to change that,
YOU can make a difference.  

Each of us has the ability to stop gossip and rumors dead in their tracks by answering the following 2 questions:

  1. Do I need to tell this or do I just want to?
  2. Will this information put the person in an unflattering light or will it hurt them to hear?

If by answering these questions, you see that listening or sharing the information isn’t flattering, will hurt someone’s feelings or is just something to pass the time, choose to walk away.

You see I have learned if you listen to gossip, you become a gossip. If you hang out with people who put others down, you will do the same. And if your friends are judgmental, you will become judgmental. Ask yourself “Who am I surrounded by…it matters”!

So the next time the pot begins to stir, politely excuse yourself, or defuse the gossip by highlighting the victims good side and defend them.  It doesn’t matter if you agree , what matters is that gossip spreads hate, and you can choose to stop it. Always speak the highest of others. Always find the good. Always stand up for the people weaker than yourself.   Surround yourself with people who lift others up and make a difference. We can stop the gossip, we just have to choose to do so.

It’s important for others, and it’s important for you, because we both know that the gossip mongers and rumor mills are one chat away from throwing someone else under the bus, and it just may be you.

Do you really think if they are talking about others and spreading hate, that for one minute they aren’t talking about you as well?

“Whoever Gossips To You
Will Gossip About You”
~ Spanish Proverb

How do you react when someone says
“Did you know…”!

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of DASIUM, Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Riskare go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at


    • Judy Davis - The Direction Div

      Thanks so much for the feed back and comment! I think it’s so important to truly support one another thru our military experiences and the gossip goes against that premise!! Happy Tuesday and I loved the post you shared for the blog hop as well so powerful!!

  • Lauren Tamm

    Judy, I adore this post. So encouraging to hear this advice from you. I completely agree that surrounding yourself with drama free and kind military community members will have a dramatic impact. Love that tip.

    • Judy Davis - The Direction Div

      Thanks Lauren! I appreciate your feedback and love your post on the blog hop as well – great advice!! I think that the people we surround ourselves with will make our break our day to day life especially as a military spouse. There are so many changes and chaos that we need people that truly support us along the way and gossip is definitely not supportive at all! I appreciate you stopping by!

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