It’s happening again…SRP, NTC, POA’s. All of you fellow military spouses know that the increase in the number of acronyms flying around my house means only one thing. Deployment is just around the corner.
Field time has been intense and yesterday was the first SRP (Soldier Readiness Processing). I don’t know about you, but even though we haven’t got the official “orders”, SRP and knowing that in just a few weeks they leave for a month of deployment prep at NTC (National Training Center) makes it all real.
And this time, I feel like throwing a tantrum. Yep, laying on the ground, pounding my fists and flaying my legs and just having a fit. I want to have my own little pity party and no one is invited! I know it sounds childish, and I know that I’ll get over it, and I know that I will dig deep and find the strength I need to do what I need to do, but right now I just want to pretend it’s not happening.
You see I know what’s coming, and I know there is nothing I can do to stop it. And the funny thing is, somewhere deep down, I don’t even want to. As an Army wife I am proud, and the reality is that this is what my husband does; this is we do. This is what he loves, and what he trains every day for. And I’d never ask him to give it up. But sometimes it’s just hard.
And today, the day that the reality of him leaving hit me square in the face, I feel like screaming and yelling. I want to be angry. I want to beg him to stay on rear-D (which I would NEVER do). And I want to walk away from this military life. I feel like I should go overseas and give all the terrorists and the zealous idiots a piece of my mind (which if you have ever seen me in “momma bear” mode would bring about world peace in an instant 😉 ). All that is running through my mind is why……..why does deployment have to be part of his job description. And then I laugh at the silliness, and selfishness of my thoughts. But that doesn’t make the feelings go away.
I “get” that this is what we do, that this is what he does. I know that we will work together and come through it stronger than ever. I also understand that it is necessary, and what he does is for a purpose so much bigger than us. And because it’s his dream and purpose, I support him each and every day.
I also know that over the next few months I will get a grip and stop wanting to scream. I’ll get my “ducks” in a row, develop a plan and come to peace with it all so I can be supportive. Because that’s what military spouses do. But today, right now I just feel like crying…