Change is part of life, I get that, but man oh man this past year has been filled with them, and I quite frankly would like a little time so I can adjust a bit. I don’t know about you but I can pretty much deal with what ever comes my way IF and WHEN I know it’s coming.
But when change is unexpected or a tad on the emotional side it takes me a while to adjust my bearings and get back into the routine of my life. Good change, bad change, any kind of change …when it’s unexpected it’s like my foundation has to re-align itself before I’m functioning at my pique again.
Things like my baby going off to college, welcoming a new son into the family, celebrating the fact we are going to be grandparents, moving to Colorado…..all these things are GOOD things, but all of them take some adjusting within the rhelm of “Judy-ville”. With everything happening in such a short period of time, sometimes I feel off my game and need to take some time to settle into the newness of it all.
Have you ever noticed that when something happens in our lives, we often believe that there is an “acceptable” time period that we are allowed to get our acts together? I don’t know about you, but when my life changes, I think I “should” do this, or I “would” be better if I had done that, and let’s not talk about all the right ways I “could” have handled it but didn’t.
Oh the shoulda, woulda, coulda’s…..
Why is it that instead of giving ourselves enough time to come to terms with the fact that things aren’t the same, we pressure ourselves into thinking that we are supposed to have our act together and know how to deal with it. Well I’m not that together! When change happens there is a lot of times that I feel like I’m in a whirlwind and don’t know how to stop the spin cycle.
I know when my son left for college it took me months to change my grocery routine, over and over I’d get to the check out and have to take back the oreos and the chips (ok, truth be told chips often stayed in the cart…but the oreos they actually went back to the shelf!) It took me even longer to enjoy the quiet and not hear every unfamiliar noise and wonder what it was without stressing out.
And when my daughter got married, well I’m still transitioning with that one….The fact that she has truly “flown the coup” and is beginning her life with the man that she loves is still a change that I’m adjusting to on a daily basis. It’s not that I’m not happy for them and with them, it’s just that things are changing so quickly and while it’s supposed to be that way, it’s not always easy.
This change meant that they are each others priority and confidants, and that means that my life is different. Not bad, just different, and because of it, I have to adjust. I have to think about when I call, I have to understand that I’m not the first line of defense or the “go to” gal when things don’t go as planned, and I have to share her with her in laws….who I love and who treat her as one of their own. All good things that I always dreamed for her, but transitions just the same.
One thing I’m slowly realizing is that change, while it happens in an instant, in truth is just the start of a process. When an event occurs, a marriage, a baby, a death, a divorce, a new phase in one’s life it’s just the start of all the “stuff” that has to alter itself in order for things to settle back into a new routine. And I think that’s why change is hard.
There isn’t a set time frame that we are allowed to adjust. There isn’t a certain way to deal with major life events, and there is no wrong way to handle life’s “stuff”. All we can do is accept that change happens and then do our best to allow ourselves to adjust to it in our own time. And that is hard. Learning to be flexible and more lenient on ourselves is the key, and finding ways to do that in a way that allows us to transition into a new situation is what it’s all about.
I’m not so sure I know exactly how to do that, but I’m thinking as soon as I get to hold my new grand baby that just might do it!
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Today's post is from guest Sylvia Smith who shares how to heal from a toxic relationship. While she approaches it from the relationship perspective, her tips can apply to toxic friendships as well!
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“Everyone deserves to realize their fullest potential toward health and well-being,
and good mental health care is essential to this”.
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Sometimes as we traverse military life it can feel as though we live separately from the outside world. We have our own lingo, we take pride in things others take for granted and our day to day challenges are very different from our civilian counterparts. Because of this we need to build stronger coping skills and hone our self care strategies so that we are prepared - especially for the stuff[...]
Military spouse, Judy Davis, is a motivational speaker, entrepreneur, published author and co-founder of DASIUM and Mighty Parenting. She is an expert in military life, small business success and suicide prevention in teens/young adults.