The Power of Listening by Judy Davis, The Direction Diva
With the world spinning so fast, it is really easy to get caught up in the twhirl isn’t it? We all are busy, we all have lots on our plate, but many of us take on more without even realizing that we are doing it.
You know who you are….the person who volunteers for that “one time” event and gets sucked into heading a committee; the lady who offers to help out once in a while with the neighbors kids and finds herself with a house full on a regular basis. Maybe it isn’t so extreme for you, perhaps its just that you have become the person people call to “unload” their stress onto….whatever the situation over time, as things pile up your burden will become overwhelming and sooner than you expect it will feel like you are carrying the world and all of it’s problems squarely on your shoulders.
So what can you do? You can learn to listen. You can learn to be a funnel, and let things flow through you instead of pile up on you. Listening is a skill that can be learned. It can be the best tool in your bag, because when you learn to listen you realize you can suggest, you can offer but you can’t FIX! And so often that’s what we feel that we “should” do in order to help someone. But that is so far from the truth. When we feel that we have to FIX things for others, an amazing thing happens, we end up carrying their burdens ourselves. We end up stopping that person from learning what they need to so they can move forward, and we stop ourselves from doing the same. No one wins, no one feels good, and no one gets what they want or need.
When you become a good listener, you can truly identify the needs of others, and in doing so actually support them in a way that is empowering. Fixing someone’s life isn’t the answer…it’s actually the catalyst to enabling, which is NEVER a good thing. But when you listen with an open and caring heart you will help that person find the answers they are looking for. You will support them in learning the lessons that show up in their lives, and you help them grow.
So the next time someone asks you to “help”, take the time to listen to what they really need, and support them in finding their own solutions. You may be surprised to find that your shoulders will feel just a little bit lighter!
~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of DASIUM, Judy’s books Right Side Up and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Riskare go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com
As I browse my social media feeds I notice so many people are fed up and unsure of the direction of their lives. It reminded me of a post I wrote a couple of years ago when my son was stressed about what he would do with his life. Fast forward nothing he even considered was to be his path; life took him in a totally different direction. And it's more than ok not only for him, but for any of us [...]
You may have noticed I've been a little quiet lately. Between the passing of my mother-in-law, supporting my husband, handling military life and dealing with all the feelings of my own, I haven't had the focus to do much else than the bare necessities. And I have been feeling guilty for taking a much-needed time out from anything that drains me physically or emotionally and just staying in my[...]
Sometimes as we traverse military life it can feel as though we live separately from the outside world. We have our own lingo, we take pride in things others take for granted and our day to day challenges are very different from our civilian counterparts. Because of this we need to build stronger coping skills and hone our self care strategies so that we are prepared - especially for the stuff[...]
Have you ever noticed that sometimes in military life it seems as though every time you turn around someone or something just keeps getting in the way of your dreams? It may feel like for every idea you have or action you take there is someone out there telling you it can't be done or how it won't work. They may even share a suggestion as to how to do it "the right way".
After church [...]
As we kick off Mental Health Awareness Month I want to begin with some insight that my son had over the weekend into how social media really steals the joy from our lives. He shares this piece of writing with me and I was struck by how it opened my eyes to the connection between social media and our military mental health. His excerpt highlights the reality of living with the challenges of [...]
I'm inclusive, I reach out to the newcomer, I'm supportive of all military spouses and I love my military life. I'm all of these things; UNTIL I'm not. And today it's been brought to my attention that without realizing it we have once again alienated the male military spouse. Don't see it? Neither did I...that is until today.
This morning as I was sharing information on a free military [...]
Last night I attended an event that is part of a week long tradition among the Engineer Regiment. As part of military life and regimental week here on Fort Leonard Wood, military spouse events are as much a part of the weeks powerful lineup as the laying of the wreath ceremony, best sapper competition or the Regimental Ball. And this years Engineer Spouses Night Out didn't disappoint.
Military spouse, Judy Davis, is a motivational speaker, entrepreneur, published author and co-founder of DASIUM specializing in military life and small business success and is known as a suicide prevention expert.