All posts,  Emotional Wellness,  Military Lifestyle Advice

Military Life: A Peek into Life Surrounded by Men by Judy Davis

Do a quick google search and you will reveal more than you ever wanted to know about testosterone. For me I learned this important lesson after my daughter went off to college and I was suddenly surrounded by men.  My home now oozes “male-ness” and being an Army wife with soldiers at every turn doesn’t help. You look around what used to be my “home” and unless I’m mistaken, there has been a definite shift.  It looks different, feels different, definitely smells different and I’m fairly certain that if I don’t do something drastic I very well may be in trouble.

I find myself dreaming of pink, hoping to smell perfume rather than dirty socks and longing for a real conversation [not the “huh”, “what”, “yeah“, or ever popular “what’s there to eat” verbiage that fills the air on a regular basis].

In these last few months I have a new appreciation (or sympathy) for my sister-in-law who has been blessed with 3 boys and a husband. I used to think she was the lucky one, I mean no hormonal rollercoasters to deal with, no crying over something that happened 3 weeks ago and no trauma over what to wear to the dance.  But recent observations have brought to my attention a much more realistic view of her life.  And sister I feel for ya!

By definition, Testosterone is the sex hormone, that stimulates the development of male traits; but in my world, testosterone, or an abundance of it, means that daily life is no longer the same.  You see when the scales tipped and my daughter moved out,  the men outnumbered me and then things changed. For those of us with curves and cushions what this means is that frankly we are screwed if we don’t do something to help balance things out.

Don’t believe me?  I promise that after you read the challenges  that have recently been so “in my face” you will understand my plight This list is by no means comprehensive, is probably inspired by hormones and meant purely as entertainment. So no judging allowed!

The Top “Reason’s” Why it’s Me Against The Testosterone

  • Even if something is right in front of their faces the male gender is physically unable to find it.
  • “Where did you say that was”, and “I can’t find my _______” are statements that I hear at least once per day.
  • Anything that makes the house smell good (potpourri, candles, essential oils) is immediately greeted with a “What stinks” type of comment.
  • A bathroom is NEVER clean even 1 minute after you scrub it.
  • A towel’s “home” is in a wad behind the door on the bathroom floor next to yesterdays underwear (must put in a small caveat as this doesn’t apply to the senior testosterone dude at my house 🙂 )
  • There is “no food” in the house if preparation is anything more than “heating up”
  • “The dog”, “The kids”,” The house”  are seen as my responsibility (again senior dude helps when his soldierman life doesn’t get in the way)
  • Never ever ever has anyone had a day harder than theirs
  • No matter how dirty anything is they just don’t see it (at least enough to clean it up without being asked to)
  • Without a prompt chores/housework/dog walking etc. will not get done
  • Any conversation that does not have a specific purpose is seen as time wasted
  • If there is a remote (phone, computer, game controller, etc.)  in their hand you may as well be talking to the wall
  • “Bonding time” directly correlates with “Bed time”
  • The ability to “get” a situation is non-existent in any instance where feelings and emotions are involved
  • They get frisky at the weirdest times (when you are cleaning, cooking, have your hands full, talking on the phone with an old friend…oh the list could go on and on 🙂 )
  • Endless silence – I have noticed that if I don’t start a conversation it may not occur
  • It is assumed that I have nothing important going on (or that can’t be put aside)  if they need me or need my help with something
  • When asked to put something away it may or may not end up in its dedicated spot or put away at all
  • If it doesn’t smell funky it must be clean
  • If it does smell funky they will put it back right where they found it “to deal with later”
  • “I’ll take care of it later” may or may not actually happen
  • They believe that fridges should get filled, floors should get clean, laundry should get done, and work and errands should get finished when they aren’t around
  • Men don’t realize that when my response is “nothing”, “never-mind” or “ok” that it may not mean exactly that

Like I said, while not comprehensive, this list does show that living in a house with only men makes life VERY different. Not better or worse, just different.

I’m sure that these challenges existed when my daughter stilled lived here, but for some reason her ability to intuitively see what needed to be done, idly chit-chat about her day, probe when I said “nothing” and share the remote made life just a little bit easier.  I think it’s time to call my sister-in-law for some tips on how to turn the balance back in my favor before I find myself buried in a pile of dirty socks…

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and entrepreneur as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of DASIUM, Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Riskare go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at

One Comment

  • Jennifer Mulchandani

    Oh, I wish had tips for you. While I love all these boys, they drive me nuts at least once per day. At this stage, quiet is non-existent, but neither is comfortable chatter. Life is LOUD (and the couch cushions can not remain in place for more than 30 seconds.) Showers are too rare, as is hitting the center of the bowl. I’m sure I would have other issues had I had a girl, but I do long for someone’s hair to brush and braid. And as the boys are getting older, they are very boy centric, and the little girls that once were every day friends are no longer hanging out here. Continued good luck with your men, and take comfort in the fact that there are only 2 there 😉

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *