You may have noticed I’ve been a little quiet lately. Between the passing of my mother-in-law, supporting my husband, handling military life and dealing with all the feelings of my own, I haven’t had the focus to do much else than the bare necessities. And I have been feeling guilty for taking a much-needed time out from anything that drains me physically or emotionally and just staying in my corner to “reset” myself.
The past 2 months took a toll on me in so many ways, but it also taught me so much about myself, my life and the things I’ve done wrong. I guess “wrong” isn’t the best word, but the reality is that since helping take care of my father and then just recently my mother-in-law as they lost their battles with cancer, I haven’t done the best job at allowing myself to grieve. Sure I talk the talk, but if I’m honest with myself, walking the walk hasn’t been happening.
This time it wasn’t about deployment or being a military spouse, it wasn’t about being “mom”, it wasn’t about any of the stuff that life has put into my path, but it was rather a building up of putting myself and my feelings on the back burner. And while that’s ok for a very short period of time…long term it doesn’t work so well.
If you haven’t guessed I’m a little (ok maybe a lot) of a fixer…but (I know you were waiting for the but) when you try to control and fix thing that aren’t yours the only person to suffer is YOU. For some silly reason I felt that if I kept everything in order, pretended I was fine and didn’t “think” about all the sadness, fears and stress I was feeling, somehow it wouldn’t be there…(OK you can stop laughing now…I get it!)
Fear, loss and yuck happen, but like I was telling my daughter the other day…”It’s not whether it will happen, it is how you deal with it when it does that matters”. And well I was not dealing with it.
Sure I went through the motions of talking about dealing with it, as I drank way to much coffee, skipped exercise (I was too busy you know….) ignored my feelings and worried about my husband and his siblings – because I know what it feels like to lose a parent. But I forgot the thing I “preach” about most….the important necessity of listening to that little voice that tells you when you aren’t ok and encourages you to take care of you- FIRST.
My “voice” is screaming in my ear, and like a pesky fly I just keep brushing it away, until it is so loud that I can’t ignore it anymore, and I am forced to “go to my corner” for a much-needed time out! I know that I can’t be the best me if I don’t allow my sadness and all the feelings that another loss to cancer has triggered. Time is the only thing that will heal and I must allow for that.
The point of all this babbling today…make yourself and your feelings a priority above all else. Give yourself permission to take a time out when you need one. Reset. You can’t be helpful to others unless you yourself are doing ok. So let it go, and do you. That’s what we want anyway. And until you can do you unleashed, well take a time out and recharge your batteries.
Your business will wait, your peeps will understand and you will be better off for it.
~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of DASIUM, Judy’s books Right Side Up and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Riskare go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com