• Why People Pleasing Is Ruining Your Life

  • Have you ever noticed that sometimes in military life it seems as though every time you turn around someone or something  just keeps getting in the way of your dreams?  It may feel like for every idea you have or action you take there is someone out there telling you it can’t be done or how it won’t work.  They may even share a suggestion as to how to do it “the right way”.

    After church today, I reflected on something the pastor said that really hit home and got my wheels spinning.  He was talking about the disconnect that we all have when others tell us how we “should” act and what we “should” do. He went on to discuss that when we let others “mold” us we are actually preventing ourselves from living out our purpose.

    And you know me, when the wheels start turning I just can’t let go. So I started looking back and noticed an interesting pattern in my journey. During the times in my life as a military spouse where I have struggled, been stressed out or just plain “messed up”,  without exception it’s when others have tried to “convince me” to do something that wasn’t in direct alignment with my purpose.  These times were filled with “people pleasing” and wishy-washy boundaries and my thoughts centered around what I “should” be doing, rather than what felt right.

    And as I really dig deep I can’t help but notice that during the worst times, I felt manipulated rather than supported.

    Now I’m sure there is some psychological explanation, but I know one thing is for certain.  During each of these times, I gave my power away, and felt helpless and trapped because of it.  Instead of standing strong and acknowledging that I really do know what makes me happy, I allowed others to place their agenda into my life. And the only person who suffered was me.

    If you read my blog or follow my speaking you know that I am all about being real, making a difference and supporting others. But until today, I didn’t realize that I held a belief that was holding me back.

    I believed that in order to keep things stress free so I could be happy, I had to do it in the way others want me to. I thought that if I wanted to help and support others (something that truly makes ME happy), I had to do what they needed. And to make things worse, I believed that if I didn’t do it their way I wasn’t really helping them. But I couldn’t have been more wrong.

    [Tweet “If you try to please everyone you will miss out on doing what it is that you were sent here to do”]

    What I failed to recognize was that my gift, my ability to make a difference,  can only shine when I follow my heart. And that doesn’t mean that I have to do so in a way that others think I should.

    I realized  in order to live my “best life” I have to be me.  Not the molded version of me that fits someone else’s agenda, but the me with all the bumps, bruises and scars that life has brought. I now get that it’s these battle scars that I bring to the table in a unique way that is my destiny.

    I think in the grand scheme of things happiness is all about tuning into what it is that stirs something deep inside of us and taking the action to bring it to fruition. It’s about following our gut instincts and trusting ourselves enough to know what actions support what it is we are being called to do.

    No one else knows what you “should” be doing in your military life better than you do, so trust your abilities and uniqueness, because only then will you be on the path where your  dreams can become your reality.

     

    ~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of DASIUM, Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Riskare go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

  • “Everyone deserves to realize their fullest potential toward health and well-being, and good mental health care is essential to this”. Dr. Arpan Waghray of Providence St. Joseph Health is also spot on in this video discussing the importance of integrated care toward long-term overall health. The future of healthcare must challenge the way we look at patients and begin integrating [...]

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    As I browse my social media feeds I notice so many people are fed up and unsure of the direction of their lives. It reminded me of a post I wrote a couple of years ago when my son was stressed about what he would do with his life. Fast forward nothing he even considered was to be his path; life took him in a totally different direction. And it's more than ok not only for him, but for any of us [...]

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    You may have noticed I've been a little quiet lately.  Between the passing of my mother-in-law, supporting my husband, handling military life and dealing with all the feelings of my own, I haven't had the focus to do much else than the bare necessities. And I have been feeling guilty for taking a much-needed time out from anything that drains me physically or emotionally and just staying in my[...]

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    Sometimes as we traverse military life it can feel as though we live separately from the outside world. We have our own lingo, we take pride in things others take for granted and our day to day challenges are very different from our civilian counterparts. Because of this we need to build stronger coping skills and hone our self care strategies so that we are prepared - especially for the stuff[...]

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    Have you ever noticed that sometimes in military life it seems as though every time you turn around someone or something  just keeps getting in the way of your dreams?  It may feel like for every idea you have or action you take there is someone out there telling you it can't be done or how it won't work.  They may even share a suggestion as to how to do it "the right way". After church [...]

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    As we kick off Mental Health Awareness Month I want to begin with some insight that my son had over the weekend into how social media really steals the joy from our lives. He shares this piece of writing with me and I was struck by how it opened my eyes to the connection between social media and our military mental health. His excerpt highlights the reality of living with the challenges of [...]

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