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How to Ask & Get What You Want

Asking for help when life becomes overwhelming is something I advocate for and discuss a lot here on the Direction Diva Blog. I believe asking for help is critical especially with regard to depression, mental and behavioral health issues and so much more. I even talk about how the military community needs to do a better job of asking for and offering help in general here. But today I want to take this concept to a different place, I want to talk about asking for help to create a better life for yourself.

Asking for help is something that has gotten a bad rap. As we grow up, we are programmed to think that asking for help, support or direction means that we can’t do it ourselves. In the military community, asking for help is often seen as a sign of weakness.  Even from the time we are young we are told “Don’t ask for that”, it’s impolite. And frankly this mindset just doesn’t make sense, and asking for help is not only something that I do, but I also encourage it…as long as you follow some simple guidelines.

Shakti Gwain said…

“You create your opportunities by asking for them”

Without exception I have experienced this. I mean, how can we create anything new if we don’t ask questions? How can we grow if we don’t ask for direction. How do we get through any challenge if we don’t ask for support? Simple answer: we don’t. If you look at any successful person, Judy Davis, The Direction Diva included, we have developed the skill of asking for what we want and work hard.

We don’t do it in a rude way, nor do we do it expecting others to make things happen for us, but we ask for help in strategic, well thought out ways that are MUTUALLY beneficial. We ask the questions that no one else will, and we ask for what we need as we move forward with our goals. But most importantly we ask and know that you get what you want in life when you ask according to the simple guidelines I am sharing with you today.

Creating a better life for our self isn’t something we do in a bubble, we need other people. In fact, the most successful become masters at finding resources that can connect them to opportunities that they couldn’t access on their own.

So if asking is part of moving forward and integral to being able to get what you want in life, then why don’t people believe that asking is ok? Why does it get such a bad rap?

Bottom line, most people ASK for help because they don’t want to do it themselves. They want a better life but aren’t willing to take action to make that happen. They ask for things that only benefit their personal interests, or ask for support because they feel entitled to it. Asking has become the thing to do when you don’t feel like doing it yourself. And that’s bad.

The ability to ask for something is earned. It’s not something you do with strangers, and it’s not something you do if there isn’t anything “in it” for the person you are asking something from. Asking is a skill that has to be learned, and there is an appropriate time to use it.

Asking for help is ok and it will get what you want in life as long as you follow this simple guideline:

  1. Only ask for help if you are truly unable to do it yourself (no laziness allowed!)
  2. You do it unselfishly
  3. You are seeking mutually beneficial results
  4. You are appreciative and express those sentiments
  5. You NEVER ask for help from someone you haven’t helped before!

 Would you add anything to this list?

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of DASIUM, Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Riskare go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at

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