All posts,  Emotional Wellness,  Military Lifestyle Advice

“THE” Standard: I Don’t Meet it, and Frankly My Dear I Don’t Give A Damn!

I had to laugh. The other day I put up a post on my Facebook feed celebrating the fact that I found a bra that not only fit, but was comfortable and on sale. The number of likes and comments were much larger than I ever expected. And while your first instinct may be to say I don’t give a damn, trust me a lot of people did.

It was as if I had tapped into some secret underground club that no one talked about for fear they would stand out in the crowd. Sure we ALL hate bathing suit shopping, and finding a pair of jeans that we like is well almost a miracle. But until I shared my “bra discovery” I didn’t know I was part of the club!

And of course this got me thinking …Why is it that finding comfortable flattering clothing (and shoes) is such a chore? Guys don’t have this problem; so lades why do we?

I think it comes down to the fact that we are surrounded by mean girls and the insecurity that we may not measure up to the standard. Who’s standard I still haven’t figured out, but “the standard” that we all judge ourselves against. The standard that deplete us of our confidence, our power and our self-esteem, you know…THAT standard.

I mean look at the story of the recent Biggest Loser winner, she was judged & ridiculed before she started her journey and well it hasn’t stopped. The Dove corporation has stepped up to showcase a campaign of all different sized women in their advertising, and it’s a novelty. Let’s not even talk about the flood of infomercials for the latest health craze/workout program or the fact that the models posing in said bra’s/swimsuits/jeans have barely hit puberty and have NEVER had a kid.

It’s no wonder I am shouting from the mountain tops when I find a bra, swimsuit or pair of jeans that I feel good in.

The world is telling me I don’t cut it, and I need to change.
And their telling me it every minute of every day.

The sad part is that I know I’m not alone (heck proof is in the number of people who can relate to my predicament). Each and every day I look in the mirror to see every flaw, every imperfection and every wrinkle. I’m told by THE Standard that I don’t cut it and frankly I don’t give a damn anymore. It’s sad that our teenagers are starving themselves to meet an unattainable goal, it’s wrong that I berate myself because a pair of jeans doesn’t fit properly [I mean they did design them with me in mind right 😉 ] and totally insane that it took me until I am almost 49 years old to find a bra that actually fits and feels good.

THE Standard can suck it for all I care.

Throughout the week from the buzz created from Biggest Loser to my quest to keep “my girls” comfy and supported I’ve come to the realization that not one of us will ever meet THE Standard, whatever that may be. And WHO cares! The fact that so many of us find it miraculous that I was successful in Bra quest is just messed up don’t you think?

I’ve decided that it’s time we set a new standard that is focused on health and comfort. I mean wouldn’t we all be better off if we focused on taking care of our emotional state of mind and be the best we can be in the moment?

I don’t care if I meet the standard anymore because frankly the standard has messed my head up for far too long, especially when it comes to a positive self-image. It’s made me hate camera’s and worry about people noticing the 20 pounds I’ve gained or lost. It’s kept me from smiling and being me.

THE Standard has never done anything to help me, in fact it is the reason I bought all the ill-fitting uncomfortable bras for most of my life. And I’m done.

I choose to be comfy and happy and Frankly I don’t give a damn if I meet THE Standard anymore and neither should you!

Has your self-esteem been affected by THE Standard? How does that impact your confidence and happiness? I’d like to know!

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of DASIUM, Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Riskare go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *